


Self-Discoveries and Insecurities

by awkwardly_living



Series: Asexual and Anxious Marcaniel [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Marc, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Don't Have to Know Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Insecure Marc, Light Angst, M/M, Marc Has Anxiety, My First Work in This Fandom, Please Don't Hate Me, The Author Regrets Everything, anyway, help i've been kidnapped by insomnia and regrets, holy heck there's so many mycroft tags, i love them so much it hurts, im so tired, please just take my trash, please let me sleep, pureness, same, this took me a month to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-06 18:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15891669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardly_living/pseuds/awkwardly_living
Summary: Marc has a problem. He thinks that he messed up big time with his boyfriend, Nathaniel, and decides the best course of action is to pretend he doesn't exist and hide. Marinette snaps him out of it and helps him discover something new about himself. Now he just needs to tell Nathaniel...[aka a completely self indulgent fic so don't @ me]





	Self-Discoveries and Insecurities

**Author's Note:**

> there isn't really any warnings or anything to put, except for small references to homophobia cause poor Marc is worried abt ish [cause same]
> 
> also I can't write marinette to save my life so don't judge me  
>  
> 
> [I don't even know; just take my trash. **also hmu with ideas for these two. as long as it's not smut, i'll do what I can.** ]
> 
> also again, holy heck I understand why a lot of people like kpop. bts, momoland, blackpink,,, their music is all really good. I'm not exactly sure why everyone's as obsessed as they are, but they're still good. good to write to so i'm not also trying to listen to the lyrics cause idk korean

     Marc sighed and stretched, saying, "Can we take a break for a bit?"

     Nathaniel looked up from his sketchbook. "Yeah, it's getting late anyway." 

     "Oh, do you need to head home yet?" 

     Nathaniel shrugged. "Probably in like half an hour." Marc nodded in acknowledgement. Nathaniel packed up his sketchbook and various other art supplies before sitting down next to Marc. "I can't believe we're almost finished the second issue for the comic," he said with a smile. 

     "Yeah, I didn't know if I was ever going to get out of that writer's block." 

     "You seem to have gotten more comfortable writing for other people to see."

     Marc blushed. "Well, I, uh, I guess that's mostly because of you. And-and everyone from the art room, too."

     Nathaniel grinned at him. "Yeah? I'm glad. I like reading your stuff. You're really good at writing emotion in a way that I never could." 

     Marc shrugged. "I was never much of an artist, so, I guess we even each other out," he said with a smile. Nathaniel returned it and took his hand. The two relaxed into their comfortable joined presence, talked softly about anything that came to mind. 

     Eventually, the time came for Nathaniel to leave. He slung his bag over his shoulder, and Marc followed him to the door. Nathaniel turned back for a moment to say goodnight. 

      "Can-Can I kiss you?" he asked shyly, tucking his hair behind his ear.

     Marc's eyes widened, and his whole body tensed. "I-um-"

     Nathaniel stepped back. "I'm-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-I mean-" he shook his head, looking down at the ground as he gripped tightly to the straps of his shoulder bag. "I'm sorry," he said again before running off. 

     Marc stood frozen in place for a moment, shaking.  _What-what did I just do?_ He finally stepped back to close the door and hazily made his way back up to his room. Clearing his notebooks, pencils, and textbooks off of his bed, he lay down and curled into himself and the blankets, settling in for a long mind-racing night.

     The next day, Marc begged his parents to let him stay home for school, but they weren't having it. Instead, he turned up the volume of the music filtering through his headphones and walked dejectedly into the school. He looked around, searching for the familiar flash of tomato red hair, but he didn't see it. Letting out a relieved sigh, he cautiously grabbed his math textbook and headed to class. 

     A few hours later, Marc was hiding. His next class was with Nath, so of course he couldn't just go to class. Nathaniel probably hated him now, and he couldn't bare to see that for himself. That reasoning led him to where he was now, squished under the stairs. So far no one had seen him, but class hadn't started yet, so there was still the possibility. Finally, everyone started entering their respective classrooms, and Marc relaxed a bit. He stretched out his legs just enough to provide them with some relief from being so cramped.

     A moment later, he heard one of the classroom doors open, and someone step out saying, "I'll look for him really quickly!" The person ran down the stairs and looked around, before leaning over to check under the stairs.

     "Marc! There you are! Come on, class is starting!" Marinette said, extending a hand to help him up. Marc just shook his head. 

     "Marc? What's wrong? Are you ok?" she asked, confused, kneeling down next to him.

     "I-" Marc started. He looked down before continuing, "I just-I think I really messed something up with Nathaniel." 

     "What? But I thought things were going well between you two."

      Marc shrugged. With a sigh, Marinette pushed herself up before extending her hand again. "Come on, let's go get some hot chocolate." 

     "But you just said class is starting."

     Marinette shrugged. "You were skipping class anyway, right? So what's the big deal?" 

     Marc sighed and accepted her hand to help him up. "If we get caught, we'll be in big trouble."

     "Well, then we just won't get caught! Come on, I'll buy if you tell me what's going on."

\-------

      The two ended up in a small coffee shop a block away from school, seated at a high table in the corner.

     "So, what happened?" Marinette asked, cupping her hands around her hot chocolate mug. 

      Marc stared down at the table. "Nathaniel wanted to kiss me," he mumbled.

      "Nathaniel wanted to what?"

      He sighed. "He wanted to-to kiss me."

      Marinette squeaked in surprise. "Really? That's great!" He didn't respond. "You-you didn't want to kiss him?"

      "I-" Marc sighed and rested his head in his arms on the table. "I don't-I don't know. Like, I guess I've never really, you know, felt the-the need for stuff like that."

      "Is it because it's him? "

      "No! No, gods no. I still really like him, I just-" He groaned and squeezed his arms closer together. "I don't know! Maybe there's something wrong with me." 

       Marinette put her hand on his arm. "Marc, nothing's wrong with you, trust me. I think-I think I might know what's happening."

       Marc looked up at her. "And? What is it?"

       "Have you ever-uh-felt sexually or physically attracted to someone?"

       Marc looked at her with a perplexed look on his face. "What do you mean?"

       She smiled as if she had just discovered something. "I think that pretty much answers the question. Have you ever felt the want to-gosh, this is weird to ask-uh-have sex with someone?" 

      Marc's eyes widened as he leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. "What? Wh-what kind of question is that?"

      "Well? Have you? Even specifically with Nathaniel?"

      "I-I-no, I-uh-I don't think so."

      "I think you really need to look up asexuality." 

      "What? What's that?" Marc asked.

      She smiled at him. "Just look it up and let me know what you think. Now, I have to get back to school for my last class. I'll see you tomorrow?" He nodded as they both got up and, after taking the mugs up to the counter, went their separate ways.

\-------

     That night, Marc lay on his stomach on his bed, looking through results for "asexuality." He went on one of the websites listed and read the definition. He sat up sharply, eyes widening as he read.

      _Wait, this is actually a thing? I thought I was the only one..._

    The website also included a quiz to try to tell if the taker identifies with the label or not. Marc's excitement grew as it went on. He had no idea that what he had been feeling was different to what most people felt.

    A few more quizzes and discussions of ace spectrum people online later, he sat there, grinning at his screen.

    _I'm Asexual. I'M ASEXUAL! This feels... amazing! Oh frick I'm asexual. What am I going to say to Nathaniel?_

\-------

      The next day, Marc walked into school and went straight to his locker to immediately get ambushed by Marinette.

      "So?" she prompted, sliding up next to him. He yelped  in surprise and hit his head on his locker door. "Ah, sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! Are you ok?" 

     "I'm fine, I'm fine," he said, subtly rubbing the back of his head. 

     "Alright, then what did you think? Of the ace thing?"

     "I-uh-I think you were right," Marc said quiuetly.

     She squealed and jumped. "Marc! That's great! I'm glad you found something to identify with!" He nodded without replying. Noticing his hesitance to agree, she said, "What-what's wrong?"

     He sighed and lowered his voice. "What's Nath going to think? I-I don't want him to be annoyed or disgusted with me."

     "He's not going to be either of those things. You know Nathaniel better than I do, and even I know that he'd never be like that to someone he cares about." She put a hand on his shoulder and smiled. "He'll accept you, don't worry."

\-------

     Later that day, Marc sat on the edge of the fountain in the park. Between classes, he had asked Nathaniel to meet him there after school. He was nervously doodling in the corners of his notebook paper when Nathaniel finally made it.

     "Hey," Nathaniel said, tucking his hair behind his ear. "Um, can I-can I sit?" Marc nodded and closed his notebook, holding it close to his chest. "So, where were you yesterday?"

    "I was-um-figuring things out."

    Nathaniel cocked his head. "What kind of stuff?"

    "I-" Marc sighed and put his notebook down next to him. "Are you familiar with the other parts of the LGBT community?"

    "I mean, I know some, but not a lot. I didn't even know bisexuality was a thing until Alix told me."

    "Well-uh- have you-have you heard of asexuality?"

     "I've heard of it, but I don't really know much about it. Uh, why?"

     "Well-um-asexuality is basically when people aren't-um-sexually attracted to anyone. Well, generally." Marc fidgeted with the rubber band around his wrist. "Some do, just differently from allosexual people. A-asexual people are still romantically attracted, just not-um-into the whole-um-other stuff."

     "Are-are you asexual?"

     Marc froze and squeezed his hands together before nodding.

     "Ok, is-is that why-I mean, the other night-"

     "Yeah." 

     Nathaniel looked down and noticed how tensed Marc was. He gently took the teen's hands in his, saying, "Why didn't you tell me? Were-were you scared I was going to reject you or something?"

     Marc relaxed a bit. "I-I kinda just found out yesterday, but yeah." 

     "Hey." Marc cautiously looked up, and his boyfriend smiled softly at him. "I would never reject you, especially for something like this. Thank you for telling me."

     "Sorry for avoiding you yesterday," Marc said quietly. Nathaniel just released his hands and slightly held his arms open invitingly. Marc smiled and pressed against him, lightly grasping the back of Nathaniel's sweater. "Thank you," he said, words muffled in Nath's shoulder.

      "Of course," Nathaniel said with a smile. "We're a team, remember?"

      Marc pulled away just enough to look him in the eye and smile. "A package deal." He leaned forward a bit and kissed the redhead on the cheek. 

      Nathaniel froze, startled. "Y-you didn't have to do that if you didn't want to," he said attempting to hide his blush by turning his face away.

      Marc chuckled. "But I wanted to! I'm ok with small things like that, but like full-on kissing and stuff is-uh-well-I'm not really sure yet. I think I might be okay with it every once in a while."

     "Well, either way, please don't force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with, ok?" 

      Marc nodded. "I won't."

     "Promise?"

     Marc chuckled. "I promise. Um, do you want to come over for dinner or something?"

     "Sure," Nathaniel replied.

     "Then come on, it's cold!" Marc got up and got his notebook, wrapping his arms around himself. With a small amused chuckle, Nathaniel joined him, shouldering his bag. The two started the walk to Marc's house, smile matching smile, hand in hand. No matter what came next, they had each other, and that was enough.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hOLY HERA IT'S FINALLY FINISHED
> 
> I want to thank my dog, my headphones that dIED ON ME IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING AND CASUED MY LAPTOP TO BLAST TWENTY ONE PILOTS AT MIDNIGHT AND ALMOST WOKE MY PARENTS UP GAH, and pizza. that's it. oh and also marc and Nathaniel for being adorable. and the mlb showrunners for making me question my existence with what the heck all these frozer leaks are. so yeah. thanks.
> 
> anyway, i would love to write these two more [and hopefully get better at writing their characters as well as the other mlb characters], so drop some safe for work ideas/prompts. 
> 
> ok i think that's it. see y'all in the next one. [also i like talking in the comments so yell with me about almost any fandom. especially if it's animated.]
> 
> ok i'm actually leaving now. bye. sorry for how long these notes were. i'm bored and lonely, what can i say.
> 
> -rory


End file.
